2020 Is Around The Corner!

At work, whenever I am done from an official letter I have to sign my name and the date underneath it. And the other day I signed (2nd, of December) And it just struck me for a moment..
Are we really living the last month of 2019?
Even though I am fully aware of every moment I have lived and still living and grateful for everything that I have been though, good or bad. It just hit me that the year passed by extremely quickly.

I will share with you a part of the post that I have published in the beginning of this year. Let’s do this::

This chapter is over(2018)as we begin a new one.
2019, I am looking forward the challenges that I may face. 
I will focus on the minutes because they make the hour… As the hour makes the day and the day will make my year. For me to have a good year, I need to have better minutes. 
I will not list what I will or will not do right now. But whatever I am planning to do I hope it will help me grow mentally, emotionally and physically.  (click here) To read my 2019 post.

When 2019 started I didn’t really have a 1 2 3 sort of plan or a (resolution) to achieve. I truly wanted to live the moment and be more focused on living than to check the box of things that had to be done. And this is what I exactly did and still doing. (This might not work for everyone but I am this kind of person I guess…)
I am extremely grateful for all that I have been through good and not so good. Let’s answer few of the questions I collected from here and there.

What is My Focus Word?
I think my focus word this year is “Forgiveness”.
I am fully aware that I am not perfect. I am aware that I don’t know everything so I have accepted that some of my close people try to correct me at times when I knew within me I had done them wrong.
I forgave myself for the wrong things I might have said, did…. I forgave those who never asked for forgiveness because I wanted to heal. I can’t walk around living life with dark holes in my heart. I would always give others the benefit of the doubt and make sure that I put myself in their shoes and know that it is ok to slip. I shouldn’t take anything personally and that is the best way to go on living life freely. My main word this year was forgiveness. I had to focus on it in order to feel free.

What Did I Accomplish?
*I know this may not sound like much but I would totally place cooking at the top of the list. This wasn’t even something I thought of, or planned. I knew it was going to happen at some point but wasn’t sure when exactly. Prior this year I believe I had only managed to cook myself breakfast that consist of eggs and cheese; other than that nothing. So for me to try out recipes straight from a cooking app was a huge thing for me… And not just that; my food actually tastes good.
**Second thing I have accomplished and I am proud to say that I have started an online bookclub and we have managed to go through almost 9 or 10 books this year. I have always mentioned that I wanted to do that and I am glad that I stepped up and did it.
I am extremely grateful for all the ladies in the bookclub and it wouldn’t have been… without them.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I would have given more time for my photography work.. I miss shooting; I did few sessions here and there but I kept pushing a lot off to focus on my marriage and this new life.

What was your favorite show?
I have few favorites. I know I should have watched this long time ago but I just watched it this year and it’s ‘The Office’ I am completely obsessed with it and I can’t get over this show
‘The Morning Show’ If you haven’t watched it I do recommend it very much.
Also I fell in love with
Also, ‘The Umbrella Academy’ was such a good show!

What valuable life lesson did you learn this year?
No matter what you did, most people will only believe their perception of things. I think being a good person isn’t necessarily a reason for people to treat you accordingly. A lesson that I have learnt is that no matter what happens keep your intentions clear and act according to that. Sometime’s being “thoughtful” means you are stepping on someone else’s lines… You don’t have to go above and beyond. Do your 100% not even a single percent more.
Also, To be verbal, I started to voice my thoughts and feelings out loud instead of keeping them all in. Sometime’s it is ok to say that some things bothered you… No one can take your right to feel the hurt or pain and no one can decide for you what’s good and what’s not.
**Sometimes you have got to lose the fight in order to win the war. What I mean by that is you don’t have to win the argument every time; even if you are right..
Some people in your life are worth more than this argument. So let it go..

What is a quote that sums up your year?
“If or when you feel like you’re suffocating in your own thoughts, beliefs and circumstances you can either stay there and be buried alive, meaning you become numb, you become mentally and spiritually dead to your life and the world, or keep digging and sorting through your thoughts, circumstances and beliefs until you break through to the other side, until you see light and you’re free. See the light in the sense of clarity. You’ll come through no longer carrying the things that weighed you down because they could not fit through the journey you’ve made to your healing.” 
― Victoria L. White

What cities/states/countries did you visit?
This year I visited Poland. I went to two places there.
Warsaw And Białowieża
I do consider myself not so much of a city girl as in, I can’t deal with the malls and traffic… That is why I fell in love with Białowieża Forest.

What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?
I did try my best to accomplish all what I wanted to. Yes I may have not balanced things out in terms of giving some things less time and other things more time but at least I was aware of that as I am going. So, it was totally ok for me to do that. I would love to do more internal work; After marriage I became a little bit emotional (I bet my husband would go like…A little?…..) hah! Well I am well known for my steadiness and this year in particular it felt I like I had split personality thing going on for me and it was exhausting. I tried very hard to keep myself on the path but I broke down so many times. This year I did crash a lot.. I found myself feeling numb and staying in bed for so many days not wanting to see people or talk… But you know you got to get back up. I read a lot about hormonal changes after marriage… so I gave myself a break.
**I want to focus more on empowering my ladies and share more of my thoughts out there.

Did my fear held me back from anything?
Yes it did. I truly wanted to start doing photography classes but I am still stressed out about this idea…..

What did I procrastinate on the most?
Writing. I do believe that I should have written more. I should have worked more on my “book” I should have published more posts here… But I know I procrastinated that and looking back now I wonder why?

What was my biggest challenge or struggle?
I think my biggest challenge was the whole marriage thing. This thing is new to me. How to balance my life from taking care of me solely…to taking care of two. And to make time for two families (his side and mine) It was a challenge for me to balance between my life and his. I try to make time for me alone, for me and him alone. For both of us with our families….For my friends… And for the people online “Who are my strongest supporters” and who I truly appreciate. So yep it was a huge struggle to get things in order and in balance.

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Starting this year (2019) I stopped doing the whole “resolution thing” because I couldn’t allow myself to stress with the need to check the boxes of the things that I should accomplish… And maybe feel like a failure when the year ends with loads of boxes left unchecked.
Yes I do believe that I should live a happy, content and accomplished. But keeping myself busy all the time doesn’t necessarily mean that I am accomplishing something. some people won’t have time to scratch their head through the day but by the end of the day they wouldn’t remember what they did or how they felt or one single thought they had.

I want to live a life in a way that I remember my feelings and reactions towards things. I want to live a life that I am aware of me and everyone else around me. I want to live a life that I choose who stays and who goes. I want to live a life altered in a way that I bring the best of me always. For my own sake and others. I want to be around people who support me, lift me up and correct me when I am wrong. I want to surround myself with those who will keep trying to put me in the right path; And shake me to awake me and bring me back to reality if I fell off.

I want to be able to say that I did it.. Every night as I go to sleep.
What I mean by did it?
I mean that I have lived my day fully. No minute went by missing or lost.
As I mentioned in my post I wrote in the beginning of 2019 and I still stand with those words….
 “I am looking forward the challenges that I may face. 
I will focus on the minutes because they make the hour… As the hour makes the day and the day will make my year. For me to have a good year, I need to have better minutes. 
I will not list what I will or will not do right now. But whatever I am planning to do I hope it will help me grow mentally, emotionally and physically. 
May I be more accepting of others
May I be more forgiving
May I always have things to offer… 
May I spread joy, peace and knowledge
May I help create better surroundings for myself, my family/friends and others.“
May I be good to myself and stay honest and always accountable.
May I be the good person/wife/friend/sister/daughter I believe I am.
May I try to improve myself always to a better version of myself.
May I have the ability to inspire others wanting to be the better versions of themselves.
May I be able to face my fears and accomplish all that I am determine to achieve.

May 2020 be the year I grow stronger, wiser, happier, and content.

xo S