Ohhhello there, I hope you are well on your side.
I haven’t been on here for quite sometime. What is my excuse????I am simply not making the time.
One of the things that I truly love doing (Writing) Imagine not making time for the things you love. And guess what? It’s the end of the year. The day has 24 hours. The month has around 30 days… Do I dare to say I could not find half an hour in all those days to just sit and write something?
What is it exactly was I thinking? I even hardly kept my journal…. Writing my thoughts here and there but they should be included in the journal yet are not. I once asked the Barista to hand me a piece of tissue because I wanted to put some things down and I had no papers….
This year was heavy.
It was overwhelming just looking back thinking about it. In a way I want to write everything about what have happened; yet I don’t want to put it down so I might as well just forget about it all.
They say that everything we go through are lessons learnt and experiences gained. I sit with myself and wonder how could those things be lessons learnt? What kind of lessons those situations are trying to teach me?
Maybe sometimes we really don’t know the reasons at all; and we have to somehow make peace with that. Not knowing is frustrating but having the belief that things unfold the way that they should be even in ways you least expect it, gives you some kind of serenity and peace.
I always come out as strong, detached and put together kind of person. In my 30 years I don’t think I have ever been vulnerable and showed any emotions to people around me. This year though I think the way I started expressing my feelings especially to my husband… It is astonishing,
I am angry | I am bothered | I am bored | I feel lonely… And many more emotions and thoughts.. It was impossible for me to speak out loud. This year I have slowly began to show and express those feelings. In a way I feel my communication with people became better. I remember when I was younger and on different occasions; my dad used to hand me plates or glasses to break…. He used to say just let out your feelings don’t keep it all in. I never thought of it as something bad you know? It took me thirty years and probably all the pigment cells in my hair to die; so I’d realize keeping it bottled up wasn’t healthy for me; internally.
When I was fourteen I turned to writing to express how I feel. It was the only thing that made me feel better. Whether I had things to say to other people; or things I wanted to remind myself of. I would write it down. I started my first blog page when I was Sixteen or Seventeen? Looking back this year; Most likely all what I wanted to say to other people, I actually said it. Most things I wanted to share with others, I freely spoke about it. So whenever I sat in front of the screen wanting to write something; It stayed blank.
In a way I need to rewire myself when it comes to writing because it’s not just a way to ‘rant’. Hopefully in 2022 I want to make more time to write because it does feel good to form words woven together that end up making sense to me and to anyone who’s reading.
2022 will be about healing.. How am I going to heal you may ask?
First of all I need to get a hold of my mind. This year I have let it wander too much that it brought me severe headaches and unneeded emotional distress.
I don’t want to go with the flow. I want to walk on purpose. Whatever steps I may take in 2022. I don’t want it to be random.
If I’d sum up 2021 for me in a word it would be: “Mess“.Tweet
May God give me the awareness to distinguish between the things I can and cannot change. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
It is bad to curse a whole year because there must have been good moments in it. But as a normal human being we tend to attach ourselves to all the sad and bad memories and cling to them in a very sick way.
I remember reading a book called ‘Hardwiring Happiness’ And Dr Hanson says:
“Your brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.”
In order to stick around more to the happy good moments it needs real hard work from our side because our brains are hardwired to sticking to what hurts us.
Moving to a new apartment, starting my Photography teaching classes, gaining more audience for the Podcast, making new friends, and many more good things happened in 2021
None of those things would make sense/matter if I didn’t truly feel them and been there emotionally and mentally to take it all in.
It is a fact that we could be physically anywhere but it doesn’t mean that mentally and emotionally we are. “Calling a year bad” is like cutting yourself short for not taking your time with those tiny tiny good moments that might have happened; you weren’t there to claim it and stick with it because you were too busy focusing on the bad and ugly things. And I admit it…. This year all what my eyes and heart were on; are the things that are going wrong. I even called myself unlucky/cursed at some point!
Why am I looking forward 2022?
You know when you don’t like a movie, you turn it off?
When you don’t like a book you simply close it?
You aren’t satisfied in your relationships you simply end them?
That is how I feel about 2021.. And today is the day that it is finally over.
Yes, Tomorrow isn’t far away from now; but the fact that the calendar will say 1st of January, 2022 gives me a new fresh beginning vibe. And in all honesty, that is what I need right now.
Books I enjoyed this year:
- It Dies With You by: Scott Blackburn
- The Sun Does Shine by:Anthony Ray Hinton
- More Myself by: Alicia Keys
- A Good Girl Guide To Murder by: Holly Jackson
- The Great Gatsby by: F. Scott Fitzgerald
- Finding Bryan by: Mathew Kesslman
- I Can’t Make This Up by: Kevin Hart
- The Whisper Man by: Alex North
- Things Fall Apart by: Chinua Achebe
- Pony By: R. J. Palacio
- The Consent by: Elayne Kaye
- It Ends With Us by: Colleen Hoover
- The Vanishing Half by: Britt Bennet
- 1922 by: Stephen King
- Never Let Me Go by: Kazuo Ishiguro
- Atonement by: Ian McEWAN
Movies | TV Shows | Docuseries I enjoyed this year:
- Shadow And Bone
- Midnight Mass
- Defending Jacob
- For Life
- Into The Night
- Catching Killers
- Unsolved Mysteries
- Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes
- Signal ( Korean Show )
5 Lessons Learnt in 2021
- Health and well-being is my #1 Priority along side my family and friends.
- I am my own enemy. I think I am the most person who can influence myself negatively..
- Comparing your self to your past self is never healthy unless you want to improve your current self. (Because what I have done was me comparing past good situations to current bad ones. Which ended up with me hating and getting angry at my ‘Now’,
- It Shall pass. Whether it is good or bad. It will pass.
- Focus on Quality always.