Passion x Fear

I used to sit on the chair, open an empty page and just type on the keyboard like a passionate pianist. Lately, and what I mean by lately, probably the last couple of years, it is like my mind is stuttering For some reasons those thoughts I have cannot be transformed to written words.
I am still trying to find the right reasons for this hold back….

Sometime’s I fear that I might have lost it. The ability to transfer what I feel from thoughts to words.
They say if you want to be a writer, just write. I have been writing for the last perhaps sixteen years.
Did I express it all? Have I said all that I wanted to say? This truly leaves me annoyed and somewhat anxious to be honest. I feel like I am constantly trying to drag those words out of my mind into paper… Or in this case through the keyboard visibly on the screen.

Can someone feel that they are just out? Is it normal to panic? I feel that this post is filled with questions that are probably going to be left unanswered… Somehow I feel the need to vent and let out

It is not about having a writer’s block..
I am drinking my coffee in a mug that says “EXHALE”. We need to breathe to be alive; but when was the last time you have noticed your breathing? Have you taken a moment to focus on the breathing process?
I don’t believe what I am suffering from is a writer’s block. It is more like the feeling that I have lost the will to translate my thoughts and feelings. I know for sure that I have many, but somehow they feel foreign to me. I can’t seem to transit them anymore. Technically this post is about me sharing this with you. Not necessarily in seek of answers but more like acknowledging the fact so maybe I can move on. Am I overdoing myself? Have I rooted myself in many different soils that somehow ‘writing’ has become a blur?

I want to take back all what I said. I want to try and try again. I will keep on writing even when nothing makes sense to me. Let me spill it all out and see where it goes. Somehow even with the realization that I have lost the way to bring out the thoughts to life I will try to bring the pieces together until things are more clearer. Let me inhale strength and exhale the courage to write what I want. Let me share with you my weaknesses and my strengths. Let me be able to show you that I break down and fail. I want to be the person that people point at and say… She breaks down seven times and gets up eight.

As much as I am scared that maybe one day I might not be able to ever write again….. But until then I will do my best trying to translate those thoughts and feelings into words read and felt.

x S

2 thoughts on “Passion x Fear

  1. I love the recent topics that you have raised. The 1st one was the moral in your podcast. And the second one is this. The inability to be able to write down in words “how you feel”. “Feel” is the word that started appearing constantly since that training course that I took back in 2020 between October & November “Professional Certificate in English Language Teaching”. The first question we were asked after we had given the lesson was: “How do you feel?”. We were all silent trying to fathom the question and to think seriously how did feel?! At the beginning it was difficult to say, but by “practice” and with time we became able to say how we felt before, during and after the lesson. We don’t give ourselves the time to sit down and reflect deeply and analyse what happened in order to put it into words. Since then that question has a very deep meaning to me. I see it differently that I am going to seriously use it in my daily conversation questions. And I am also thinking of letting my pupils next year to write on a journal when I first come to the class how they feel at the moment. It will help them to let out what is bothering them, express their feelings and be prepared to understand the lesson with clear mind and fresh start.

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