To start off I just want to say that I am utterly grateful for all that I have and all that I am right now.
You know those times when you sit and reminisce about the past? well, sometimes when I do I usually end up with a complete shock. Let me share with you why…
So to begin with, I am twenty eight years old right now; twenty nine in about a month. Whenever I remember my 16 years old self, I would have never think I’d be the person I am today. I was extremely introverted. I barely spoke any word and on top of that I used to get embarrassed and shy easily. I know for a fact I wasn’t mentally strong and no one would ever listen to my thoughts or whatever I needed to say.
I never thought my opinion mattered so why bother anyway? right?
My thoughts matter
My voice matter
My opinions matter
We grow up thinking that our existence is just like everybody else’s, and there is nothing we could add to this world because ‘we are that small’. I am here to prove to you otherwise. I still can’t believe that I have this much influence and people around the world actually take my words for things.. Which a lot of the times I do end up freaking out because it is never not overwhelming.
I did not have anyone to back me up or support me or build me to be the person I am today except for myself. I promise you, I was my own therapist. It surely wasn’t easy to be in the dark and not having anyone to pull you out. I suffered depression and there are times where I slept as a brick. I became really thin for not eating I remember the weakness and tiredness I felt; I could barely walk. And still I did not talk to anyone or asked for help. It wasn’t easy at all wanting to say something but you always find yourself choking with your own words. Yet, I grew stronger, wiser and healthier.
I started to love myself. Became aware of my existence and I knew that it was ok to be flawed and not turn out how everyone around me would want me to be. I learnt that everything that I needed was already within me. It all started with blogging and writing my thoughts; The moment I started seeing my thoughts in words written down, I knew a lot of my thoughts were made up and exaggerated.
I didn’t care if what I wore didn’t match or the things I said made no sense at all. As long as I am not trespassing others circles I am good. And this made me even more confident in realizing that it is ok to be me. it is ok not to be like everyone else or fall in the trap of conformity. Bit by bit I started the journey of getting to know myself, and the more I dug deeper the more confidence I gained. So, for example if I shared my opinion about not liking this restaurant or this brand or a book whilst everyone else around me said otherwise; the fact wont shake me. I would totally be ok with the disagreement. am I making sense??
I stopped thinking that life is a competition with everyone else. And completely ignored where everybody at because their success doesn’t mean my failure. Everyone has a different path and if I ever wanted to compete it should always be with my past self. This gave me the opportunity to always view and review my actions in order to right the wrong and fix the broken and praise the good things in me. And also, more time to focus on my achievements rather than wasting time focusing on others.
It took me years to figure myself out and it is an on going process because as long as you are alive you are “becoming“. Let your life be the message you want to share. And since you are carrying that message there is no shame in being whoever you want to be. Be proud of your little achievements… It doesn’t matter how small they are. As long as they matter you.
I cannot express how hard the journey was. To remind myself where I have been and where I am today; always struck me. I am telling you… I have never thought I would be heard let alone listened to. People see me on top of the mountain but they never saw the struggles I went through. The internal wars I fought on a daily basis. The voices I had to shut many times….. I had to shift my mindset to something that is with me and not against me.
I deserve a good life and I know in fact that I am a good person with good intention and I have a lot of ideas and thoughts and I will share them with the world. Because I know somehow at least one person out there is ready to listen. And I know somehow that at least one person could relate.
You never know who’s watching. You never know who’s listening. Don’t ever underestimate yourself into thinking that you don’t matter.
Whoever you are, where ever you are. Focus on what you want to be despite the discouragements you get from people around you. A lot of them project their fear on you. People’s words shouldn’t shape your reality; neither your thoughts. Let your action speak louder. Let your actions be the signs that you do realize your own worth, you are aware of your existence and you know damn right that you like everybody else out there, deserve a good life.
Start saying no to things that you don’t really like or want to do
Start saying yes to things you actually want to do
Do something about the job you hate?
For me it was about changing departments. I did it few months ago and I am feeling a lot better knowing that I don’t get up in the morning to go to that lousy desk and suffer… mentally/emotionally.
Relationships are meant to help shape us better, and help us grow healthy…. Make your choices accordingly.
Setting your new year resolution is not enough. One has to act on it. The year isn’t a one chance thing. You have about 365 chances to make or break your year. Choose wisely and start living instead of just existing.
Be consistent. Let your words be reliable. Have credibility. Be honest. Be thoughtful. Be loyal and wise with everything that you do and also, have fun… “Don’t take life too seriously… no one gets alive anyway right?”
Believe in yourself and in what you do because if you don’t? how would you expect anyone else would?
For me, whenever I share a photo or talk through my Instagram or write in my blog page; my main focus is to let my thoughts or “creativity” out there. Statistics aren’t my main concern. I am here to share my message and it is to inspire people to be their better selves and showing them how simplicity is truly the ultimate sophistication. Some said I was out of my mind to think of wanting to change the world. But as The Dalai Lama said “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” I am that mosquito.
I know we can’t always perfect balance in life. But make sure you have time for you, your spouse, family, friends.
And by that I mean, make sure you have time for the good people in your life. A lot of us spend too much time with those who drain us emotionally and mentally. Don’t do that to yourself.
You can outgrow those who refuse to grow with you. You can’t grab everyone’s hand and force them to walk with you. But over all it is your journey; no one will walk it for you.
Not everything will go the way you want. Not everyone will do the things you desire or things that makes you happy. And you better realize that even the people you love and love you back will disappoint you at times. But believe that things always happen for us and not to us. So, when you are facing a difficult situation; have the mentality to accept it and go through it because avoiding any bad situation will probably cause it to repeat itself over and over again.
Life is not so bad and it surely isn’t perfect either. You only have one life. Don’t waste it feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t waste it playing the victim. Don’t waste it doing the wrong things; or spending it with the wrong people. Don’t waste it feeling fearful and always hesitant.
Celebrate your life. Be your own hero.
One thought on “2020? Let’s Do This with Confidence”
Saying no and healthy relationships – they are my 2020 goals.
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