There are many things that we have been taught growing up about marriage that I found out later how wrong they were. I asked the people on Instagram for suggestions for my next blog post and one girl asked (What should I avoid in my first year of marriage?) And it just triggered me to start writing about this because I do find it a quite important topic to be talked about. Also, I will definitely include my husband’s view later on, so you could have the whole his/her point of view on it. I believe it will be more insightful that way.
In case you are about to get married or in the process of getting married, I hope you choose someone who has the same values and principles in life as you do. Everything is changeable but someone’s values are hard to change. Someone who considers cheating as a forgivable sin; will cheat on you. am I making sense? Ok, let’s begin now…..
I will ask him after writing my views so I won’t get distracted by his views and everything gets mixed up. As raw as it gets.
I got married last December, 2018. I still consider us newlyweds though. But you get to learn a thing or two; in those six months; we had our ups and downs. I have clear ideas of what to avoid not only in the first year but for life. Everything that I am about to write shouldn’t be avoided only in your first year, but as long as you want a good healthy marriage life.
1- You truly need to avoid thinking that the other person exists for your happiness and comfort only.
So stepping into marriage you should consider that the other person have their own moods, emotions and thoughts as well; and they shouldn’t always serve you.
2- Avoid believing that the other person knows exactly how you feel and what you’re currently thinking without saying a word. To be vocal is really important. To be more understanding is to truly know what your spouse meant when he said what he said or acted in a certain way.
3- Avoid holding the other person responsibility for everything. You are a grown up. Be responsible for your own personal expenses, your emotions, your thoughts, your actions and reactions.
(Your spouse doesn’t make you mad/sad/angry) You choose to react this way.
To live in a society that claims how the man should be responsible for everything especially the financial aspect of life is false; in my opinion of course. A man is also a human being with needs, wants and desires, to dismiss that is just inhumane. There is no food in the house, he should have brought some. You don’t have that latest watch? bag? a jewelry piece? You should have brought it yourself. If he ever did; then he is a sweetheart, but it’s not his job to spend all of his money on you. Be considerate and believe that life is all about balance. As your companion, his loss, is your loss; his gains are yours as well and vice versa. So, in order to have a healthy life you should keep in mind that marriage life is all about having the husband and wife caring for each other and taking care of one another. But it’s not always 50/50. In relationships in general, equality is not about 50-50. Sometimes it’s 70-30 other times it’s 90-10.
4- So, after reading the point above we come to the point that says, your spouse is not your competition so avoid treating them like one.
5-Don’t walk around sharing your dirty laundry. It is not healthy neither for you or your marriage life. People’s opinion about you or your spouse shouldn’t matter.
Here are the five things my husband believe you should avoid in your first year of marriage.(Or probably avoid all the time for a healthy marriage life)
When I first asked him to give me 5 things to avoid in the first year of marriage he said there are more than 5 things to avoid! So I am thinking of making a part two of this post. (Let me know if you are interested)….
1- Avoid faking a personality to be likable and accepted by your spouse. Starting your new year of marriage should be authentic because you are after all spending your life with this person, and whatever that you are faking will eventually fade….
2- Know where you stand in life. Avoid trying to be everything and anything for your spouse.
3-Be forgiving but not naive. Be aware and considerate in your partners faults but flexible.
4- Be thoughtful but avoid dismissing other members from the family in order to make your spouse happy. Do not treat your parents or your partner’s parents with no respect….
5- Avoid dealing with your spouse’s family issues. Try as much as you can to be neutral with your opinions.
I asked my husband for something that I’d quote him and he said this:
Don’t think just because everyone around is getting married, you think that you should do it too. When thinking about marriage choose the right person for you either way; whether a traditional marriage or married because of love. choose the right person. Don’t act like you are the man…. just be one.
Be honest about your habits and what you like and dislike in the beginning of the relationship and also, let that person know what you expect from them and vice versa; so everything would be clear from the beginning and you can pick it up from there.
Nobody has the perfect life. The trick is to take it one step at a time to figure it all out. Be humble enough to admit when you are wrong but keep in mind that being the better version will serve you first then everyone around you. So, improving yourself and bettering your life should be your #1 priority. Once you have self care, self love and self respect; everything should fall in the right place.