“There is no worse bitterness than to reach the end of your life and realized you have not lived.” – M Scott Peck
One of my favorite definitions of love is by my favorite author and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck. He says that love is “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth”. As I am writing this I discovered that I have written about love before because it just felt familiar starting with Pecks quote… Click here if you wish to read that post about marriage and love.
What I want to share with you today is not mainly focused on relationship love… But something that might be somewhat liberating. A lot of people around me focus on what others are posting regarding their relationships and wish they had something like that. Sometime’s it does get frustrating because I myself know that a lot of what is posted is not exactly what it actually is. Trust me people will go out of their way to show that they are all lovie dovie when in fact they are not.
Before I get married I wasn’t really all about ‘marriage’ I was more focused on building myself, creating myself and focusing on loving myself. I honestly didn’t think I’d be married when I got married. It wasn’t something I was fixated on if I am making any sense. But to be honest, looking back; I wasn’t stressed or overwhelmed by what society thought I should be or not be. I got married when I was twenty seven. My younger sister got married way before me and had a baby as well. Every time I go to a family gathering it felt like a funeral… They would say stuff that should have made me feel weird, mad or even embarrassed about not getting married. But it honestly didn’t.
First of all, I am a true believer that everything is written for me better than how I want it to be. Second, I was not concerned about when I was getting married but who was I getting married to. And I believe this was something they have not thought about or concerned it to be important. For me, to be socially accepted is not my concern. So I had all my time and energy around creating a safe environment for me to feel accepted and loved by those who care about me genuinely.
The more I got to know myself, the better I understood what I wanted and the less offended I felt from others opinions about me. It was ok for me to listen to all the nonsense that was thrown directly at me because I knew that their words weren’t my reality.
When I wanted to get married, I wanted to be very married. I wanted someone to accept me for who I am and not to change and be molded for. I don’t believe love locks and chokes someone… Anyone feels anything less than freedom; it is not love.
So, this is why I am telling you right here right now. Wherever you are. Do not get effected by the strategic marketing when it comes to “Valentine’s Day”. It is mostly for commercial purposes.. With that being said, If you have so much love in you; share it with those around you. Believe that you are worthy with or without any significant other. Do not live a life believing that you are incomplete without having someone by your side. Let that other person compliments; meaning that whoever is going to be with you should just add to what you already have. Make it your goal to have a good day everyday. You as much as anybody deserve love, support, and appreciation. Trust me you can still get those by surrounding yourself with the right people.
Do not allow yourself to be pressured by what other people are posting. There are more to life than those posts. Do not allow yourself to be led by people’s words. The reason why I became mentally healthy and happily confident about my life is because I have always done what was right for me, despite anyone else thought what I should or should not do. It is your life…You are 100% responsible of living it the right way. A lot of music or movies has this message that “They cannot live without someone else” Trust me people have lived. You should be selfish enough to care about yourself and not to be dragged in the wrong direction in the name of ‘love’.
The right person will most likely come along when you become the right person yourself. Make sure you are doing what you want, however you want it. Let yourself be drawn to what makes you feel alive.. And everything else will definitely align.
Age has nothing to do with it. I have seen women get married when they were 45+… She might be a bit older but she have finally found the right person as she couldn’t accept anything less than what she deserves. And who says that love should only be available when you’re younger than 25? Be patient and make sure you are ending up with someone who is right for you.
Stay away from the whole “The train has took off” Let the train go if it wasn’t for the destination that we want to go. If it wasn’t with who we want to ride it with. Educate yourself and be fully focused on building a life that is good for your mental and emotional health.
Be happy for others and their lives as well. Nothing is happening to you. I have always said that. Life happens for us. And there are reasons why everything happens when it happens. Stay focused and stay aware; learn and keep on learning. But most importantly; realize that love is there. Love is available when we want it. It’s right within us…. Let us celebrate our existence. Let us share the love we have for others; People out there are in desperate need for love. People around you…. Be expressive and share it. It will all come back to you.
It is never about the gifts or just merely someone in your life to call a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend etc…
You need someone who cares about you, supports your ideas., even the crazy ones. Someone who believes in you, someone who treasures you. Someone who in fact cares about your wellbeing..(physical, mental, and emotional) health.
You need someone who makes you laugh and not give you reasons to cry or feel that you are trapped in a life that doesn’t feel like yours.
We do accept the love we think we deserve. This is why you should truly work hard on yourself and realize that you are worthy and good enough; you should only accept those who will love you and care about you with all their hearts.
Do not let people’s journey’s effect yours. Walk your way with hand open and let that right person be drawn to hold it and walk right next to you.
Until then, you focus on yourself, your family and friends. And let your heart be filled with goodness and positivity because being alone is different than lonely. One is a choice and the other is not. Don’t live life feeling sorry for yourself and always feeling alone with everyone else around you. Be there in the now and celebrate every living moment. That is truly the best way to life. A life, loving yourself and doing what’s right for you.
Let me end this post by sharing with you a bit about Love in my point of view.
I believe that love is:
Respect | Loyalty | Appreciation | Acceptance | Support | Understanding | Communication | Care | Sacrifice | Simple | Clarity| Valuable.
It is not just about having someone.
As simple as love is it is not effortless. Love is effortful.
Be willing to be there for others when needed. Be willing to be honest, loyal, accepting, appreciative and understanding. Don’t expect someone to come along and change your life to the better. It is your job to do that. I live a way that everyone else around me compliment what I already have. It is your mindset. Nobody should be able to take away or give you ‘happiness and contentment’ whenever they please.
And you shouldn’t live a life expecting others to do that for you.
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”