You Have Got You.

Taking a break from everything and everyone is never an easy thing to do. Sometimes people do forget that I am too, a human being with weaknesses and faults and also could possibly be wrong or tired. I have always shown that I am strong and I could handle things… anything and everything and this is the main reason why so many people won’t even fathom the idea of me asking for a helping hand or a break.

As I rarely complain or behave in ways that shows that I have had it… Some people around me still ask for more and more and it is not like they won’t take no for an answer but they won’t believe it when I say that I am tired and I just need to rest.
Especially when you are told that you are inspiring and such a role model and a hard working person because those things are being used against me.

I am writing this to clear the misconception about “strong people” and how some of us truly struggle internally to keep holding on to that strength. A lot of people claim that the strong one’s have it all together, and they do. Writing this piece is actually hard; I don’t usually share this type of information but after reading the book “The Glass Castle” it kind of inspired me to share something…. Will talk more about the book in a different post..

Personally I have always found myself repairing my own damages. I can’t remember a day where I turned to someone asking for their advice or help. I also don’t turn to people expressing my feelings; whether I was upset, sad or in disapproval. This is why trying to remember my childhood I have always said that I was voiceless. hence, I turned to writing for expressing.
Growing to the person I am today a 28 years old sophisticated and educated woman, I have learnt a lot about how to handle things on my own. And it gets really hard to even realize or think that someone else could help me. This blogpost though is about those one’s who aren’t realizing that ‘strong people’ have weak moments… a lot of them. But we don’t get to speak about it because we are put in that box of “strong, independent and consistent people.”
Not being able to truthfully speak my mind keeps me be in a state of pressure. As much as I tried to keep it all in; I eventually wreck.

Around two weeks ago, as I was heading to the gym I stayed in the parking lot, cried my heart out. Then I took a deep inhale with an ok as I was exhaling; wiped my tears and left the car walked to the gym. I have got used to the fact that I do always have my own back. Not a lot of people do understand that fully; Even if people never complain it doesn’t mean that they are not suffering. Being a person who others turn to for solving problems and sharing views, I promise you; everyone out there is suffering. It might not be exactly what you’re going through but it doesn’t make it less painful. The reason of me crying wasn’t because of one thing or a couple. It was me holding on strongly for so long and It felt so tiring and I needed to let it go. I get to be put in different situations, how I handle them and how I truly feel about them are two different things.

Growing up I didn’t get the support I needed to reach where I am today. I have always been cornered as the weirdo believe it or not. So I needed too stay strong for me at all times. I never thought for one second that I will reach a point to have people call me “inspiring person” or even acknowledge my work. But I believed in myself and knew I had a message to spread. There is a quote that I truly like and it had a huge impact on me… “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” This gave me such a boost to do what I have done and keep doing what I am doing despite my lapses.

What I truly want to say is that you can find inspiration in your struggle. You can find light in your darkness. You can fix, renovate and adjust yourself the way you want despite what anyone out there thinks. You can shine and rise and be who you are desired to be. The possibilities are endless. Your past does not define you. Your past shouldn’t be a thing to stop you from becoming a better version of yourself. To be treated badly shouldn’t be a reason or an excuse for you not to believe in yourself. Take me as in example. I promise you… All that I am now is all me.
I may not walk around complain or rant or seek people’s opinions about things I go through but those things will never be an excuse for me to stop living life the way I want. I know what it’s like to fall but I also know what it’s like to get up and rise… Whatever that you are going through; you can go through it. Let it be a part of you, let it be your fuel to reach where you want to be. Don’t hate your struggles; use them to strengthen you as you grow maturer, wiser, stronger. But let it also make you a kinder person. Someone who is considerate and thoughtful. Someone who is aware that we are all going through things and it is Ok.

You can take a break, you can ask for help whether people believed you needed it or no. You can say yes or no. You can say that you don’t know. Above all, make sure to have your own back, because if everyone else failed you, you should be the one lifting yourself up.

xo S