“It doesn’t matter what others are doing. It matters what you are doing.”
Lately I’ve noticed myself focusing too much on people and less on myself. I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve been OVER thinking; and the star of my thoughts has not been myself, no… it’s been other people. While it’s important to have good people around you, people who provide a positive, loving and supportive environment for you to flourish in, it’s also important to remember that you are your own person and they are their own persons. Constantly thinking about other people does no good because you have no control over anyone but yourself. Focusing too much on others will take away from how much focus and energy you put into yourself.
I’ve realized that concerning myself with others whether that be people I deal with on a daily basis or people who aren’t as close, is not only bad for me but it is useless. It’s not our job to change people, even if you believe you’re changing them for the better. Furthermore, most of the time, all that it causes is unnecessary conflicts and distress. So what can we do?
This is where the topic of this blogpost comes in. Focus on you. Instead of focusing on others and trying to change others, you should shift that focus on yourself and changing yourself for the better.
Why it’s important:
Focusing more on yourself rather than other people can be beneficial to you in many ways including avoiding issues with others. It also helps you avoid unnecessary tension with others. Sometimes you spend so much time thinking (negatively) about people that you are sort of fueling the fire and this leads to tension and issues arising with people, and/or it can lead to a decline in your mental health and a lot of resentment building up towards others.
The more you focus on you the more at peace you will feel. The more you focus on yourself the more you are nurturing yourself, your thoughts, your time and you are more likely to be spending your time improving yourself and being an overall happier person.
How to do it:
- Learn to take control– Don’t let your thoughts be in control of you, you are in control of them. Meditation is important because it teaches you to be control of your thoughts in some ways, and it detaches you from them too. So the more you meditate the easier it will be to catch yourself in those moments where you’re in deep thought about things that only do you harm. Once you’re able to catch yourself, you will have more control over your thoughts, and that way you can direct them to be more positive and beneficial to you. This of course does not happen overnight, meditation should be a regular practice. The more you do it, the greater the result.
- Spend more time with yourself– get to know yourself, pretend like you’re meeting yourself for the first time and get to know yourself deeply. Know your likes and dislikes, know what motivates you, what gets you excited about life, and what sets you off (your triggers) etc. Do not allow your life to be revolved around others. Be your own best friend.
- Do more of what lifts you up– Do things that make you feel good, be productive, and spend time doing more of what you love.
- Fuel your passion– Work on something that you’re passionate about and fuel your own passion by watching, listening or reading about things that inspire you. Surround yourself with inspiration, things that motivate you, and things that help keep you focused (this can be things like a good music playlist, mood boards, inspiring quotes on your walls, motivational podcasts/speeches… whatever works for you.)
So now that we’ve covered how to focus on yourself, let’s talk about the gist of it all, what does focusing on yourself really mean?
I think it means putting all your energy into you. Things that benefit you, things that make you grow as a person; things that bring you joy and so on. When I used to suffer from severe depression I kept receiving advice like “find a hobby” and as much as I hated hearing this advice, I think now, years later, I finally get it. I know now that I would have been a much happier person if I had put my time and energy towards myself. This doesn’t just mean spend time alone, because I did that pretty much all the time, but it means focusing on the things that made me happy and doing more of those things.
Of course life has a way of making us forget things we already know, and this is why I created this series (Reminders by J), as a sort of reminder for myself and you, the reader.
There’s no time like the present to do the things you want to do. So go for it.
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