We always claim that people “make” us feel bad, sad or angry. But the shocking truth is that people cannot make you feel anything. This is the ultimate truth that a lot try to avoid facing, because we usually love blaming others for what happens to us. Or worse; We are addicted to blaming others for our worst feelings, emotions and thoughts.
“It’s because of you I couldn’t make it”
“It’s because of you I am depressed”
“It’s because of you I lost”
“It’s because of you I am heart broken”……
And the blame goes on… It is easier to throw your failures and obstacles on others.
You hold others accountable for your wrongs because it’s easier to say that it wasn’t your fault…. right?
The time you take charge and control of your life, is the time you will not be able to truly blame others. Knowing yourself means realizing your abilities and worth. There is a quote that always keeps me in check “Whether you think you can or can’t you are both right.” And that is true in every level.
A lot of things could go wrong in your life but it is not necessarily because of other people. It really has to do more with your choices.
You are today because of all the choices you have made before… Not choosing is also a choice. So living a life on the stand by with an eager of throwing the blames on everyone that passes you by today; as an adult is not a way of living the good life.
It is actually hard. It is not easy to take control and choosing what’s right for you. Sometime’s choosing what is right for you might mean cutting off some people in your life, quitting your job, changing your phone number and the list goes on….. The idea is hard so trying to implement is even harder… But knowing what’s healthy for you will make it a little bit easier. What we usually do is that we avoid facing the facts... When we see what’s good for us right in front of our eyes; we automatically go blind for a moment and choose otherwise. So let’s go to my next point that this paragraph is serving…..
To be emotionally intelligent is to be fully aware of how you are feeling, thinking and acting. Not just aware but by being conscious of those emotions also means that you know when are you expressing them and of course ‘how’. You cannot just walk around acting aimlessly or thinking randomly. Talking about our minds reminded me of a book I read a while ago titled “Hardwiring happiness” It is the science behind how we think and how we grasp things around us, I do truly recommend it. So, What I really want to say is that people rarely take full responsibility for what happens in their lives. And I would always hear someone out there is blaming someone else or something because obviously they are not ready to take blame for whatever wrong is going on in their lives.
Two days ago I had a car accident and it was completely my fault I ran out of the car rushing to the lady that I hit and crushed her car apologizing and stating how it was my fault and I was ready to do what it takes to fix her car and that I was sorry for ruining her day. She actually became very calm after hearing me saying those words; Yes, my day was ruined as well but knowing that I made that mistake I owned it completely.
I could have said “You should have looked my way before your reverse” but then again there is no use. The accident happened and my words will not have made us both feel any better. But saying the right words would actually lift someone up and fix the situation or at least make it better. If I was angry or upset I could have fueled her negative emotions and you know fire with fire will only create more fire that’s harder to put down.
You could feel anything in the world at any time; but it is all up to you. No one makes you feel sad, no one depresses you, and no one makes you feel joy except your own mind and your own choices.You chose to feel this way at this time. It is what you expect from others that sets the tone of your thoughts… It is what you wish you would have or feel that sets the tone of your feelings.
The sooner you have the realizing that you are exactly where you should be; you have exactly what you need…. A lot of things in your life will change. Especially how you feel about yourself; You will end up acting differently and approaching situations in a different mindset.
After all, it is all about working on yourself constantly. The self-improvement journey is a never ending one. as you get older you should also grow and mature mentally, emotionally and physically as well. Do not grow the mentally that things are happening in your life are because of other people… Even the good things….The sooner you stop throwing the blames and owning everything you do; whether it is right or wrong. The liberated you felt.
Here is the motto of my life “Life happens for you not to you.”