There are many times when I’ve been in a certain place with a bunch of people and thought to myself “I don’t belong”, and I know I’m not the only one. Sometimes I would feel left out and ask myself “why don’t I start a small talk?” I know I’m capable of that since I’m a very social person, but then I would also ask myself “why should I?”. I’m not saying we shouldn’t socialize or make conversations with others. I’m just saying it shouldn’t be out of the need to blend with them.
It is the need of blending with others that lead to so many other things than just a small talk on the long run. First you try to blend in with a small talk, then you adopt a certain behavior, after that you’d give up parts of yourself that others wouldn’t like, and you end up being someone else who might or still might not even blend in.
It is our human nature that makes us want to interact with other human, but why do we have a fundamental need to belong to them?
Why do we question not belonging as if we should belong in the first place?
I honestly think belonging is a psychological trick. It makes you think you’re less lonely, and less afraid. It makes you think that somehow, whatever you go through, someone else is going through the same. But is this really the case? Is this what belonging really mean?
I think not.
Being in a certain group, click, or whatever, does not keep you from going through all that is you have to go through -alone-.
It is only you, your thoughts, and feelings at the end of the day.
So if there is anyone that you should worry about not belonging to, it is yourself.
Belonging might be the worst thing that can happen to someone. It will make them think of ways to be less them, and more of what other people want them to be. It will make them less independent, and more dependent on who they belong to.
I’ve always loved the quote “Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out”. Don’t give up parts of yourself -even the ugly ones- just for the sake of fitting in or belonging. If you want to change parts of yourself let that be for your own improvement.
And please, whatever you do, make sure you are the person you belong to.
Make sure you do not need a group of people to back you up cause you’ve got your own back.
And if you are alone, remember that alone never meant lonely.
PS:
-Fatima Abdulsalam
A Coffee Shot 