In the previous blog post titled “Detachment” I have spoken all about it.. But one reader suggested that yes, you have spoken all about it but you did not mention anything about how to. So, this post will be all about the tools and ways to detach.
Let me first explain that when detaching yourself it does not mean to get away from…
It simply means that those things should not and would not have an impact on you and your behavior..
You cannot get away from your mind because it is a part of you. Even the people we love can sometimes be annoying, pressuring,, stressing…. etc. But when you detach yourself from them, their actions will not effect you in a negative way. It simply means you will stop taking everything personal. And even if you love your work it can truly cause you stress; if you weren’t careful enough with the way you think and how you handle things… it can really cause you pain.
So here are some pointers on how to detach yourself from those things.
Ever catch yourself having the same thoughts over and over again? They’re like repetitive thoughts? That is how you know where your focus is on.When you are completely aware of your thoughts, you will definitely catch yourself rethinking those negative thoughts. It will be a hard process to go through but once you see and feel the results it will be a habit. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about those things take a deep breath and bring yourself back to now. Focus on whatever that you are currently doing. If you’re not doing anything at all, just simply get up and take a walk.
I am a true believer in the power of words. We often tell ourselves things that are secretly bringing us down… With a small change of wording you can totally feel the difference.
Instead of saying:
“This will never work” Try saying ” Let’s see how this will work“
“I can’t face this problem” Try saying “ Challenge accepted”
“I have to do this” Try saying “I choose to do this”
Even when you’re in an argument with someone. Instead of working so hard to prove your point, take a moment and realize the other’s person perspective. This will lower your pressure and stress as well in two parts
- Trying to convince someone else in something.
- The pressure of wanting to be right.
Your mind is a part of you. You control it. It is not the other way around. Quit letting your mind telling its own stories all the time. The sooner you identify yourself with the things that you are. You will let go of the things that you are not. And when that happens… The mind will silent itself. The more you are doing things that does not represent you, be with people who aren’t good for you.. Your mind will always be working. When you live a life that completely reflects who you are from the inside; there is no reason for your mind to “wander” around.
We can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that created them- Einstein
I think this is the most attachment that gets us. We easily attach ourselves to people we love, we care about in our lives. We easily give other people the keys to control us or ‘own’ us. Such feelings will definitely lead to suffering. We attach ourselves to their moods, emotions and thinking. We attach ourselves to their way of thinking. As if everything that they do should align with what we believe in. The choices that they make should be consistent with what we desire.
We are all free. God has created us free why do you go all the way to be slaved by someone else under the name of love? or friendship? Live by your own expectations but never drag anyone else with it. The way to detach yourself from relationships is to:
Allow your spouses to be whoever they want to be. It is sad when I hear someone says “I will change him/her. You can only change yourself and when you do that the other person will change. How I see it, it’s like the people in your life are like your mirror. When you focus on your self development and change for the better.. By being consistent the other person will definitely notice and unconsciously they will start changing. So instead of focusing on changing someone else, and stressing about it… Improve yourself first.
When we attach ourselves to others we are leading ourselves to constant suffering. Detachment does not mean to stop caring, or loving. It simply means >>the absence of judgment.. To stop taking everything personal. The actions of others aren’t necessarily because of you.. Or are done to you. When you choose to love someone you shouldn’t love them for the fun times and for the times when they’re being good people. When you realize that we are all a mixture of both good and bad you’ll remove this burden you’ve put on others to be exactly how you want them to be.
- The more you have self value and self worth the less you’ll get attached to others
- The more you are comfortable being alone, the less stressed you became when you are alone
- The more you are aware that nothing lasts forever and all people are bound to leave if not leave change..Whether gone from life or just leaving us. You’ll not find it as hard to be less attached.
It will take time for you to grow stronger in being alone. Even if you are currently in a relationship, try taking some time off and away from your spouse and just do something on your own without checking on with them every now and then.
Attachment is not love. Love should make you feel free not choked…
If you have no hobby or something to occupy yourself with.. Well, use the time to find something that interests you hows that?
I used to be a work addict. Never thought of taking a break even on weekdays. I lost contact with my friends and could barely see my family. I always eat out.. “on the go” that somehow I lost weight horribly, I looked ill because of the type of food I was consuming. I used to complain that I had no energy, no time for anything at all; except for work. I used to take my work with me.. So I wasn’t just busy when I was at work. Even when I’m off. My mind is always busy thinking of how and why and what should I do next. Especially being in the field of marketing… You are always on the go thinking of plans and creating ideas. It did take me a while to realize that no matter how amazing your job is, it should never take up all your energy. You need to stop thinking about it as soon as you leave work. If you had to take work at home, make time for it. Schedule an hour or two and then that is it. You are only human and we all have 24 hours a day. Your day should have enough time to eat right, sleep right, socializing (being with family/friends) and work. If your day is fully attained for work.. I promise with time you’ll end up getting depressed, stressed and you’ll just get sick. If you need to focus your attention more it should be on your relationships in your life not work. Check this video if you have time
Your things (Materials)
The moment you attach yourself to things it’s like you are linking your value/worth to those things… The less you have; the emptier you feel. So, you find yourself always getting more things because you think “it makes me feel better”, it makes you feel valued and appreciated. which is false. You need to realize that without those things you are completed, you should be appreciated and valued minus the things you have. Those things should be add ons; losing them shouldn’t effect you in any kind of way. Whenever you see a girl brags about her really expensive bag…. Over and over again because subconsciously she linked her worth with this bag. Take a moment to realize that.
I am not saying get rid of everything that you have.. I am just saying you shouldn’t feel less when you somehow lose them…
Being the person who supported herself financially since I was 18 years old. I can truly speak about attachment to money. As I have always tried my best to take care of this part of my life more than any other part. So, I worked hard here and there to make sure that my bills are paid. But if there is one thing I came to realize is that money comes and goes. No matter how much you try… You’ll always use up what you have to get yourself the things you need/want. You will lose your freedom when you attach yourself to anything at all. Especially money. Usually when people attach themselves to money their emotions become linked. As long as they have enough they’re good. Whenever they’re out of money they’re out of their minds. You’ll see them always stressed out and almost getting depressed.. Or actually get depressed. But when you realize that
I think a way to be mature about that is just to use your money responsibly and wisely. Every now and then indulge yourself with things just because. As long as you got your essentials covered up, do not worry about the rest. Stop making money rule your life and start actually living it…
“When you understand that money provides but is not THE PROVIDER, then and only then will you be content with the money you acquire and the financial freedom you desire.” -Blondie L. Clayton
I hope somehow you will find some answers that will help you in your life. I know those tips surely did help me in mine. Stay strong. Love and Be kind to one another. x